Sunday, July 26, 2009

I've Been AWOL!

Sorry guys! Since this was an "out" month for me I didn't have much TTC-related things to post and then I went on a little "vacation" where I managed to go a whole week without interenet! But it was that vacation that brought me back for this post.

What I call a vacation was really a week spent volunteering at the summer camp I used to go to/work at many years ago. My first summer there was in 1992 (as a camper) and my last was in 2000 (as a counselor). So I've been away 9 years and with a baby planned for this next year I began to realize this may be my LAST year to go back. I was planning to work there but with my shoulder injury had to turn down the position I was offered, but they welcomed me, gimp arm and all, with open arms as a volunteer this past week.

I really miss summer camp. But more then I miss summer camp, I miss kids. I miss working with them, being around them, watching them learn and grow and experience new things... pretty much everything about kids I miss. What I love about camp, especially the camp I went to, is that it's a safe and very welcoming environment. It's a place where kids can just let go and have fun. And it's a place for me to see kids of all ages and how they are developing and maturing and what the age groups are like.

Me, on the right, during "Crazy Day" in 2000

And I have to say- I'm I've never really taken the time to think very far ahead. All of my energy has been focused on getting pregnant. I'll even admit I don't think too muh further then pregnancy. I definitely never thought about what life would be like having a toddler! So all week I was looking at the kids and picturing what life will be like with one of them. I spent most of the week working with the teenagers and realized that I want a teenager. I never thought I'd be looking forward to the teenage years, but even the more diffucult teens in my group were amazing, wonderful kids that I hope someday my own children grow up into. This realization makes this little game of TTC even more difficult. I want a baby right now. I want a that skinny, dirty little 8 year old right now. I want that moody, awkward little 12 year old right now. I want that head strong, confident 16 year old right now. I'm impatient beyond believe! I also feel way more prepared for parenthood then I have ever felt before. I think this past week has been a great thing for me. Yes, I was disappointed that it was an "out" month, and I'm still sad that next month is an "out" month. But after that, I feel like I can go forward without the hesitations and worries I had before this week.

And so now, I hop on a flight tomorrow, and I will give my husband a big hug and kiss and tell him that in two months we are going to FWP like never before! Because I want my 16 year old!!!!! :)

1 comment:

  1. *lol* Being that my brother is 17, and a right arsehole, it makes me chuckle to read that you want a 16 year old.

    Here's hoping when you DO start TTC, that all goes well for you!