Sunday, July 26, 2009

I've Been AWOL!

Sorry guys! Since this was an "out" month for me I didn't have much TTC-related things to post and then I went on a little "vacation" where I managed to go a whole week without interenet! But it was that vacation that brought me back for this post.

What I call a vacation was really a week spent volunteering at the summer camp I used to go to/work at many years ago. My first summer there was in 1992 (as a camper) and my last was in 2000 (as a counselor). So I've been away 9 years and with a baby planned for this next year I began to realize this may be my LAST year to go back. I was planning to work there but with my shoulder injury had to turn down the position I was offered, but they welcomed me, gimp arm and all, with open arms as a volunteer this past week.

I really miss summer camp. But more then I miss summer camp, I miss kids. I miss working with them, being around them, watching them learn and grow and experience new things... pretty much everything about kids I miss. What I love about camp, especially the camp I went to, is that it's a safe and very welcoming environment. It's a place where kids can just let go and have fun. And it's a place for me to see kids of all ages and how they are developing and maturing and what the age groups are like.


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Me, on the right, during "Crazy Day" in 2000

And I have to say- I'm I've never really taken the time to think very far ahead. All of my energy has been focused on getting pregnant. I'll even admit I don't think too muh further then pregnancy. I definitely never thought about what life would be like having a toddler! So all week I was looking at the kids and picturing what life will be like with one of them. I spent most of the week working with the teenagers and realized that I want a teenager. I never thought I'd be looking forward to the teenage years, but even the more diffucult teens in my group were amazing, wonderful kids that I hope someday my own children grow up into. This realization makes this little game of TTC even more difficult. I want a baby right now. I want a that skinny, dirty little 8 year old right now. I want that moody, awkward little 12 year old right now. I want that head strong, confident 16 year old right now. I'm impatient beyond believe! I also feel way more prepared for parenthood then I have ever felt before. I think this past week has been a great thing for me. Yes, I was disappointed that it was an "out" month, and I'm still sad that next month is an "out" month. But after that, I feel like I can go forward without the hesitations and worries I had before this week.

And so now, I hop on a flight tomorrow, and I will give my husband a big hug and kiss and tell him that in two months we are going to FWP like never before! Because I want my 16 year old!!!!! :)

1 comment:

  1. *lol* Being that my brother is 17, and a right arsehole, it makes me chuckle to read that you want a 16 year old.

    Here's hoping when you DO start TTC, that all goes well for you!

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