Thursday, July 23, 2009

A Happy Day

It's been a bit of a rough week. For starters, I've just been completely and totally exhausted - an exhaustion like I have never known before. I'm not sleeping well at night - tossing and turning, vivid dreams and nightmares, the whole lot. So I've felt behind on my sleep all week. Add to that the emotional fallout from last Sunday, which I blogged about in my last entry, and a husband who's been on my case to tell the whole world we're pregnant, and it's been a rather rough past few days.

Today, however, has been a fabulous day. I'm so happy my face hurts from smiling so much. Why am I so happy? It's an accumulation of good things that've been building up to the phone call I received from my father today. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start with Monday, and the beautiful flowers that were delivered to me at work from a good friend who knew I was upset. Funnily enough, she doesn't even know we're pregnant yet!

Tuesday, we got a card in the mail from my best friend, congratulating us on our pregnancy - with our first baby gift inside! She sent us a $25 gift card to Babies R Us, which we're already itching to spend.

Today was the cherry on top of my happiness sundae. It began with a team celebration at work, a Fun Day we have once a year to get the 14 of us out of the office to promote team bonding. This year, we went to a local dive bar for drinks and lots of fried foods and then across the street to another bar with a collection of vintage arcade games. Only one coworker knows so far, and I was rather proud of myself. When the waitress came to take our drink orders, I whispered to her to get me a vodka/cranberry without the liquor, and told her that my coworkers "didn't know I'm not drinking yet." That and a wink definitely conveyed my message, and it felt kinda cool being conspiratorial like that. So that was a nice feeling.

But the piece de resistance was the phone call I received from my father this evening, a few minutes after I got home from the bar. He's been keeping a journal to record his thoughts on his cancer journey, and he wanted to read us the entry from Sunday. It was the most beautiful and comforting thing I've ever heard.

He wrote about how his initial reaction was one of overwhelming sadness...finally feeling the world whizzing past him and seeing real evidence of what he'll be missing out on. But after he gathered his thoughts, he realized what a wonderful gift this new baby will be. He told me that seeing my mom bounce off the walls and buzz with excitement this week has been fabulous. She's already talking about needing another new sewing machine for all the embroidery she'll have to do for the baby (as if the two top-of-the-line machines she already has aren't enough!). My father said this was the best gift we could've possibly given her. He finally feels completely at peace knowing that she has something to look forward to, something to keep her from feeling lonely after he's gone. And he's so excited about experiencing the pregnancy with us.

What a wonderful, incredible feeling of happiness I have in my heart now. This baby, our baby, is already doing amazing things, and he or she is barely an embryo yet.
Edited to add: I just had to put a tag on about how wonderful Mr. Citysaur has been through all this. Yes, he's itching to tell the world we're pregnant, but only because he's So Incredibly Excited that we're expecting. Last night, I went out with a friend to see her husband in a musical...and Mr. Citysaur stayed home and cleaned the house, did the dishes, and did my laundry, among other things. He's just been amazing to me, and he's another very good reason why this week has made a turn for the better. I feel very blessed right now!

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