Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I'm going to stop worrying

I have come to realize that almost every newly pregnant woman can relate to the picture above.

I've always had a habit of overeducating myself. Wanting to know all the information, from every angle. Of course pregnancy is no different.

Today I am 5 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I have known about this pregnancy for over two weeks now. And I still have not let myself truly feel joyful about it - because I am too busy worrying that something bad is going to happen.

I believe that the internet is equal parts blessing and curse. It can be extremely reassuring to have a group of people out there experiencing whatever you're going through. It's great to be able to google a symptom and find out within moments that it's perfectly normal and that 1,878 women who are also pregnant had that very symptom just yesterday.

But there is another side to this information overload. That is the side that feeds the worries, even when there's seemingly nothing to worry about.

These are the stories of heartbreak...of problem pregnancies...of miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies and so much more.

Don't get me wrong - I think these stories deserve and need to be out there. For people who have experienced them, writing and sharing their experiences can be extremely cathartic. And for people who are going through them, having someone to learn from, to grieve with, or simply to get support from, is solid gold.

But for someone who is newly pregnant with her first child, these stories can be nothing short of sheer terror. They cause undo worry and suspicion and, in my case, keep you from truly enjoying this great gift and joyous time in life.

I find that I am measuring this pregnancy in time between now and my next appointment (August 18), when I can gain some much-needed reassurance that everything is A-OK. Mr. Citysaur is frustrated with me because I can't just sit back and relax and enjoy the fact that we're having a baby! I know this feeling never truly leaves, I just hope it will subside in the coming weeks when I get that reassurance.

In the mean time, I have sworn off any site that might add to my worries, and I am focusing on the positive - the fact that right now, today, I feel exhausted, my boobs are sore and enlarging, and I can't sleep at night. These are all signs that something is growing inside me, and in about 8 months, we're going to have a baby!

1 comment:

  1. You and me both, sista! *lol* Totally a worry wart, but it's understandable when you want something so much but it's out of your control...