Monday, April 11, 2011

Another one bites the dust...

which means we are starting a new cycle. Ho hum.

I mean, what can you do about it? Mope for a day? Kick dirt? Curse at your body? Sure. Why not? Go for it. That doesn't get you anywhere though. My rule is that I can mope for the first day of my cycle but then I have to get over and it move on.

I need to be positive. I just have to be. It has been a long journey and there have been many negative moments, thoughts, and feelings surrounding this whole process. I honestly can't believe it's been a year since we started talking about trying-and then actually doing it. It's surreal. However, I feel stronger today because of it all. I don't know why we are going through what we are going through but I feel that there is a reason for it. I don't know what that reason might be, or when we'll know what it is, but there has to be some reason why it isn't working for us. Maybe we are meant to do something big before we can have kids of our own.

There are some wonderfully supportive blogs out there. Women who tell their story and share the journey they are on. It is quite sad, but at the same time, it is comforting to know that you are not the only one going through this. Unfortunately, not being able to get pregnant or infertility, is not a widely had conversation. I wish more women would speak up and share their stories because we take comfort in knowing we aren't alone and we seek connections for extra comfort. Having a support system is so important. You have to find yours.

I long for the day when I can pee on a stick and a second line shows up. I long for the moment I can hear a heartbeat and see a little flicker on the monitor. I want to feel that first movement. I want to have to pee all the time. I want to get a round belly and enjoy all that comes with growing a little life inside my body. I want it all and I will get it. Only time will tell.

Until then, the only thing my husband and I have are each other, love and hope.

2 comments:

  1. I long for that second little line on a pee test too! There are days that I try to imagine what it would feel like to have a little one fluttering around inside me. It looks like I'll be starting a new cycle again soon too. I feel the pain.

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  2. OMG!!! I´m waiting for that too... I even have the test but have the mixed feeling of "wait for my period to come or take it and get it over with"
    I gess I´ll just go to sleep...

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