I think about all of the things I'd love, and want, to do... you know places to visit, things to try, people to see. I find it hard to continue living life like we aren't trying to bring another life into the world. What I mean by that is that in my mind I keep holding back from making any big plans "just in case" I'm pregnant.
However, I know I can't keep sitting on the sidelines as I watch everyone else live their life but it is hard. The hope and desire I have in my heart that surrounds pregnancy and babies overrides any common sense I have about living my life and doing the things I want to do. I will make plans to go to a concert or spend the weekend with friends while secretly hoping I won't be able to drink at either event. I think about summer camping and what that would be like with a belly.
image source
Every month I think about why this would be the "perfect" month for us to get a positive test result. I think about how far 12 weeks out is and when we'd be sharing news with family and friends... will it be Thanksgiving? Christmas? Valentine's Day? How about Easter? I do this every. single. month. I can't help it. I like to think about the possibilities and I am glad that I do because I feel like this keeps me going. But, honestly, I am tired of it. I am tired of the let down and the constant cycle we go through of the baby dance, hoping, waiting, and then complete disappointment and sadness... It's completely exhausting.
It's hard to remember to keep living your life. The hope & desire for motherhood is super strong too. Waiting sucks & I'm tired being patient! Best of Luck conceiving soon!
ReplyDelete