Sunday, February 20, 2011

Trying to plan for the future

I think about all of the things I'd love, and want, to do... you know places to visit, things to try, people to see. I find it hard to continue living life like we aren't trying to bring another life into the world. What I mean by that is that in my mind I keep holding back from making any big plans "just in case" I'm pregnant.

However, I know I can't keep sitting on the sidelines as I watch everyone else live their life but it is hard. The hope and desire I have in my heart that surrounds pregnancy and babies overrides any common sense I have about living my life and doing the things I want to do. I will make plans to go to a concert or spend the weekend with friends while secretly hoping I won't be able to drink at either event. I think about summer camping and what that would be like with a belly.

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Every month I think about why this would be the "perfect" month for us to get a positive test result. I think about how far 12 weeks out is and when we'd be sharing news with family and friends... will it be Thanksgiving? Christmas? Valentine's Day? How about Easter? I do this every. single. month. I can't help it. I like to think about the possibilities and I am glad that I do because I feel like this keeps me going. But, honestly, I am tired of it. I am tired of the let down and the constant cycle we go through of the baby dance, hoping, waiting, and then complete disappointment and sadness... It's completely exhausting.

1 comment:

  1. It's hard to remember to keep living your life. The hope & desire for motherhood is super strong too. Waiting sucks & I'm tired being patient! Best of Luck conceiving soon!

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