Monday, February 14, 2011

The post I've been trying to write for awhile.

It has been about month since my last post. I swear every day I think about posting and sharing what is going on with us, with you, but I can't seem to get the words in just the right order. I can't seem to find the energy to try and explain where we stand. So, it is now that I'll attempt to do just that and I hope you'll understand if things are out of order or don't make sense.

I went and saw my Ob/Gyn. She is fantastic and I am so blessed to have a wonderful Dr. We sat and chatted about what was going on. I told her about my cycles and how they've changed. I know over time cycles change but what I noticed wasn't something I thought was good... lots of clotting during my period, intense backache and cramps. We decided to go ahead and do some blood work and set up an appointment for an internal ultrasound and an appointment afterward to discuss the results.

Day 3 blood work came back good. My day 21 blood work came back good as well. My ultrasound showed that I had a cyst on the right ovary. I have a history of cysts so this wasn't out of the ordinary. There was fluid around my uterus that the doctor believed to have some blood in it. This made my doctor do some thinking. After some more discussion about what was going on we determined that endometriosis is the culprit.

From what I understand, the only way to get a true diagnosis of endometriosis is to go in by ways of laparoscopy and biopsy the uterus to look at the tissues. This is not something we'll be doing just yet.

My doctor has put me on progesterone suppositories (yuck!). I start using them once I've ovulated and wait until when I would get my period to test. I know when I get my period because I've become pretty regular, and I chart my cycles. I'll go through the progesterone for about 3 or 4 cycles and then we'll go from there. I've heard good stories about this working for women and I am hopeful that it will work for us.

I don't want to think about surgery and medicine that I would have to take after that would make it so we had to wait 6 months before we could continue trying. I don't want to think about any of this. I hate how I am constantly reminded that everyone around me can get pregnant and I can't. It makes me feel... I can't even find words to tell you how it makes me feel. I hate this. I wouldn't wish upon anyone. We've only been going through this for not even a year yet... I can't imagine what it would be like to be years into this process. I don't know how those of you going through the infertility battle do it. I really don't.

My husband has been amazing and I am so thankful to have him by my side. I just wish I didn't have to feel so guilty for not giving him the baby he deserves.

3 comments:

  1. Hi

    I really feel your pain. I have had surgery twice for Endometriosis as I suffered immense pain all the time, it actually helped both times (surgery 2 years apart).
    I to after a year of trying am now under a ob/gyn and have started the tests they can do but I feel horrid about it. I hate that my hubby has to be tested and all our friends are having babies with no problems, some who are not in a good position to have them and I can't give my husband a child. I completely understand how you feel, we can just hope that our time will come and we are lucky to have such good men by our sides supporting us during what to me is the most emotional time of my life.

    Good luck x

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  2. I am really sorry that you have to go through all this. I just wanted to suggest that you start seeing an RE instead of an Ob/Gyn at this point. The OB just doesn't have all of the "tools" to deal with IF. I learned this the hard way. But with a good RE my husband and I beat IF. I hope that you will too.

    Also, the lap is really no big deal, so there is no reason to put it off. I was scheduled for one in March 08 and put it off until July of that year because I was scared. It turned out that I wouldn't have gotten pregnant before the lap anyway, so I just wasted time.

    HTH and Good Luck!

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  3. Thanks Victoria for sharing.

    Maria, I plan to find a good RE. I need to talk to my Ob/Gyn for recs. Thanks for the assurance about the lap. I definitely don't want to be wasting any more time!

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