Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Where's the magic?

I know this may not be the right season to complain (Merry Christmas, eh?), but I need to get something off my chest. For the last few weeks, I've been really struggling with a growing frustration with my body.

When I read in pregnancy books about what's happening with my body, it's like a faraway dream. I'm supposed to be happy and comfortable, chock full of fabulous second tri energy. Instead, I'm perpetually living in an exhausted haze. Rolling onto my other side in bed is becoming more and more difficult. My belly has grown to a size where my back is starting to ache, and putting on my socks is becoming a daily challenge. And speaking of my feet, they swell to the point by the end of each day where the tops of them actually make a little lip over the edge of my shoes, which is about as weird and gross looking as it sounds (my job involves a certain amount of standing/walking, and although I've minimized that as much as I can, I simply can't put them up all day - compression stockings have helped somewhat, but I'd love any other suggestions you can come up with to try to reduce the swelling).

The problem is that most ordinary pregnancy books - aside from my beloved multiples book - treat twins or supertwins as just a "little extra pregnant" and never discuss the difference in physical stress that you experience. Even though I'm only 21 weeks along, I'm experiencing what someone pregnant with a singleton doesn't feel until the third trimester; the average baby weighs 12.7oz at 21 weeks - double that for two babies, and that alone pushes you to where a singleton sits at 26 weeks, not to mention adding in the extra weight from extra amniotic fluid and blood, a larger placenta, plus the strain of a plus-sized uterus, etc. etc.

Well, at least I'm not expecting octuplets, right?

I feel so incredibly guilty even writing any of this. I've been given such a wonderful blessing - not one, but two wonderful little boys that I already love with all of my heart and soul - and I am so grateful and thrilled that we're having them. But some days, especially in the evening when I'm exhausted and my feet are like two fat sausages, and then I read about what a magical time this is supposed to be in a pregnancy...well, I feel so tired and frustrated that I want to cry. It doesn't help that it's mid-summer in Australia, so I'm battling heat as well. I honestly cannot imagine how much harder this will get over the next few months...I know that I can handle it, I know that I will handle it, that I'll find ways of coping, but it's a frightening thought sometimes to realize that I still have another four months to go.

Is there anyone else out there who wants to be experiencing the blissful magic of being pregnant and instead just feels crummy all the time? Please tell me I'm not a bad person for feeling like this, that I'm not alone!


  1. Pregnancy was the worst nine months ever. I loathed it. Intensely. Every minute of it, for nine months. I started feeling crappy even before I got that second line on the stick. And I wasn't having twins, I had no real complications, no bedrest, nothing like that. It was just a "regular" pregnancy, and I was miserable. And I'm actively trying to do it to myself again, because I want another baby! lol

    You're not alone, and you're definitely not a bad person! It was worth it all for my daughter and it will be worth it all for your boys, even if it's hard to convince yourself of that before it happens. ;) I had to keep reminding myself that nine months is nothing compared to the rest of my life as a mother!

  2. I'm 14w6d. Still tired all the time, bump is growing pretty good and making it hard to get comfortable when sleeping. I'm 5'2" (1.5748 meters, is that the right unit of measurement??) so my bump jumped out quick, I'm only having one (or at least that's what the Dr & Sonogram tech said), I'm still getting morning sickness, my boobs hurt, and I'm getting kicked in the bladder & cervix already. Isn't pregnancy beautiful... My hubby keeps saying "your the one that wanted to be preg" Oh.. I'm in South Mississippi (US), and Due in June.. So I will get to enjoy the 90-100 degree heat plus the wonderful 90%-100% humidity at 9 months preg... Yeahhhhh.. can't complain to my mom.. my B'day is in June :P Maybe I'll move to Australia in April :D

    I would avoid the Pregnancy books, Have you tried instead? I suggest getting in a birth group or 2 (Your birth month & a Multiples group) so you can ask/talk to moms who are in your were in your same spot. They would prob have much better advice, and you would feel more "normal". I swear I think some of those books were written by men :P

  3. i have several friends who had only one, and like the above commenter, hated every minute of their pregnancy due to how it affected their body and how uncomfortable they were theh entire time. they're wonderful moms, and you will be too!

  4. Whoa!! That picture is just plain s.c.a.r.y. No worries, my second pregnancy was like that.. mostly miserable. Just smile and know that it won't last forever. ;)