Waiting....

Unfortunately, I am not a patient person. I always want to know what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. This is impossible when trying to conceive.

I am almost at the end of the 2WW. Aunt Flo is due on Tuesday. I am trying desperately not to test early. Even during my first pregnancy this May , I didn't get a positive test result until a week after I thought my period was due. I am pretty sure that testing early will only result in a BFN, or multiple BFNs. So, I'm hanging in there. I have one test in the back of the cupboard in the bathroom. It is "hiding" from me.

I'm not even sure if I ovulated this past cycle. We were on a European holiday when we were actively trying and I didn't notice my body's usual signals. Normally, I can detect some ovulation pain and a change in cervical mucus so I know for sure that I've ovulated. I didn't get any clear signals this time. Maybe because of the time difference? Maybe because I was in a different environment? Or there is the possibility that I really didn't ovulate.

We are taking a relaxed, keep it simple attitude towards TTC. No charting, no BBT recording, no CM monitoring. If, after several cycles, we do not conceive, I may want to consider charting. We are both almost 40 and we really don't have much time to lose. I worry that I may get stressed out with all of the details of charting and actually harm my chances of achieving that BFP.

After my miscarriage, I am not sure what to expect anymore. I am excited about getting pregnant again yet there is a part of me that is worried. I am trying not to listen to that part. I believe that positive thinking can influence the outcome of our TTC process.

So, here I am. Waiting. I'm really hoping for this to happen again:



Yet, I am afraid to get my hopes up, only to be disappointed. I am really trying to be patient. At this point, it is really important for me to take it one day at a time. And to hold onto positive thoughts !